Although, I’ve never had a shrink that’s been on my wavelength (not to surprised with that idea), I’ve found that this blogging thang, has me, in complete agreement with “life crap”. Hey, it’s like reading your own words, back to you. Such is the sorry state of communication these days with my outside world.
It’s like being a media moghul – you decide what’s going in. It get’s an unusual 100% clearance. You then watch for people who read it, and feel great that a couple of people bothered reading your profound thoughts on being schizophrenic.
Tis nice, being noticed. Gives you a likkle boost.
I asked my sister once what would hurt her the most in life, and she said it was being misunderstood.
I’m pretty good at that. Sometimes, I have to go to great pains to s p e l l, out what I mean to say, cos I try and avoid quizzical looks. Hence, I’m pretty matter of fact on points and smile a bit when I say stuff.
Interaction for me is usually such a pain in the ass, as I go through a wee bit of distress, but luckily I’m able to topple out words, which sit mostly middle of the fence. I have an unholy fear at the moment of argument crap….in some worlds, it means “taking crap off people”, but in my world it means “an easy life”.
Its so darn easy to open your gob and speak, that its only a gift from the gods that we do not have superhuman powers to murder people with words. I’m thinking of some far out science fiction film here, with a mutant with deadly powers type of thing.
I’m sure, my “strange” neighbours would have killed me by now. For example, they threatened to call the police on me, when my fan heater was on. They said the noise was horrific. When I closed the door, I had to hold my stomach cos of the pain from laughing.
The older I get, the more careful I get. It’s not without reason.
At work for example – saying “oh cunt, wrong spreadsheet”, would have a few eyeballs catapulted to the back of their heads. Not a good move jedi.
At the corner shop – I would never say “don’t u get fed up of the same ole shelf stacking and counting penny sweets crap”. Instead, I say “hello” and “goodbye”. Quite limited and very integrated – it’s all about control eh?
I really don’t want the jolly good friends circle, most of the time in my life. I’d hate to know the internal politics of who’s upset who, about something someone said marlarky. It’s a little wasted on me, as it gets me confused and judgemental.
I like this safe distance stuff.
Here when I’m needed, but gone most of the time. I guess I’m happy with that – although a few more witty comments on my facebook status would be nice (!).
It’s such a paradox, you want friends and then you don’t.
Some people seem to be looking for another them, someone who does understand. But man…who can be bothered, unless your paid to it, to be inside someones head…if you get my drift.
I like just a wee dip, in this cyber space, and then go. Blogging, as mentioned above has it’s advantages, some a little tragic, but it’s good that I can do this.
