February 2010
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Life after “Mental Hospital” Death

Posted on February 6, 2010 by outerhebridies

It difficult to work with people you hate.

Having been in the system since 1994, I’m a veteran of the mad world, but I’m still anti-meds. The psychiatrists are just dispensers of medication. They don’t actually ask what’s being going on in mind at all. I hate the system and I hate what they are meant to stand for.

My partner is still inside. It’s strange after his depot injection, he seems to have gotton worse. What the hell is going on? I thought the drugs were meant to make you better?

Next pit stop looks far far away.

I just read about mental health advocacy, it seems you need to be on payroll supported by a PCT or trust to be able to call yourself an advocate. Mental Health Law, is complex but not impossible.

I had invited myself to my partners meeting on Tuesday as an advocate, but I need to retract this, and arrive on the scene as “part of the care team”, which comprises of usually non-professional people, ie next of kin etc etc. Note being as they’ve got nothing better to do, this is subject to change. I think there are certain protocols within the system that remain unwritten, but usually known as routes out and into the system.

For example, who knows what the psych docs are planning? Why isn’t this information communicated to the IMHA, if one has been appointed? What right does the CNWL have in “forcing” medicine onto an individual when clearly it hasn’t been working.

Who decides who is well. What is the benchmark of normality when we are all different?

The medication administered follows a simple but clear trajectory, this means every time you are “ill” the medication is “increased”. It’s not rocket science Dr.

I’m wondering with my parter, I am in two minds about this, whether it is better to keep a low profile, not to attract the media and make sure his exit from hospital is low profile – ie half recovered, like the majority of clients. Or secondly whether to batter them now with incompetency claims.

My involvement with him is turning into a paperwork battle. I can not placate him at all. There is nothing I can do whilst he is inside to get him the treatment that I would like, whilst they are shoving pills down his throat. He is resisting everything on all counts and is completely frustrated with being incarcerated.

He get’s 2 x 15mins leave a day. Plus 3 hours a week, after trying to request some leave.

Fact of the matter is. No one is listening to him.

He has been annihilated. Thats not a nice thing to do to anyone to deny them their existence.

I haven’t the time to weep.

Filed under: Work | Tagged: mental health advocacy, mental health law, mental hospital, weeping | Leave a Comment »

The Significant Other

Posted on February 5, 2010 by outerhebridies

Currently my brand new shiny partner is being held under section 3 of the mental health Act, which means they could keep him inside for 6 months.

My partner is complex and we met each other both under very stressful circumstances, my first and foremost aim, is to get him out of hospital. I don’t need him fully recovered, I just want him well enough for 3 hours a day! No pun intended here. He can recover on his own, I’ll see to that.

They’ve got him on depot injections. I’ve just got find out under what grounds he’s being detained or put him through an appeal. Which it is likely that he will win.

I’ve had to come a decision that going it alone in the world maybe not a solution to an already splintered view I have between myself and the outside world. I had a therapy session today and to be frank, I wasn’t making much sense nor was I drawing much. I felt less and less inclined to produce anything, much less was my desire to talk. I wanted to perhaps sit alone with bill and mind meld like a vulcan from star trek engaging in some friendly fire.

The art session was a little torturous, and I hadn’t the heart to say Bill, maybe not today. He’s a very kind man. Although I dare say if I did say I really wanted to end my life, he would be forced by professional conduct to report it. There is no safe haven for me in the clinical world.

I’ve just had sneaky fag in the bedroom at mum and dads and the place is reeking. Opps. Saw the back of few girls who were itching to have a slice of fame….so glad I saw them from distance. I am eternally thankful for a few saving graces when they are given to me.

I’m going to pen a letter of complaint to the PCT, will be posting all here. It’s against the nurses, so I’ll see how far I can go. Also realize who’s reading my blog. Should be some cross eyed nurses on the ward tomorrow, getting their head around the pay cheque they’ll be saying good bye to. Afterall, what’s the law for?

My partner is a darling. Yesterday, we sat near subway and I munched my way through a steak and cheese subway, he sat to my side for my viewing pleasure as I love seeing him eat. His thick long blonde eyelashes closed slowly that day. He’s tired of being locked up. Sometimes I wonder if the abandonment in his life had led him to feel so desperate about this relationship. I know now that after today, that we will have some good days and some bad days. He’s like my rain and shine bundle. He’s a man with shield made of silk and his head rests the crowned thorn. The invisible blood is his pain which he lets me feel, when he talks in riddles and this sometimes comes through in his delusions. More often then not, much of his lifes’ stories revolve around his daughters, of which he is the proud father of three. All beaming my partners eyes and singing themselves to sleep in their dreams about a lost father. Who I see day after day, knowing his wounded heart is not just for a love lost, but weeps for three children. His three princesses. It hurts me that this has been the case. I’m never going to make up for that, only they can fill its place.

What can I offer a man, other then my womanly charms gleaming at him daily in order to reassure him and me. Reassure us both? How hard when my beauty seems to attract the wrong type of attention. I’d be less conspicuous with a bag over my head riding a white elephant down my local high street. The ones that fall in my general direction always seem to be the most desparate….and I? I do not smack of availability. I curse and wince as I pass people on a good day. Enuff of me, back to this rough diamond I have found. My diamond gent.

If tears were made of glass, his face bleeds into mine, when we kiss

This bloody mess is ours, may we die trying to wipe this one clean…….

Filed under: Work | Tagged: mental hospital | Leave a Comment »

Ward Round Results

Posted on February 4, 2010 by outerhebridies

Finally had my ward round, can’t believe they released me being as I cried in ward round. I just wanted to say my Care Coordinator is as thick as two planks and I can tell she’s into her job so much a promotion is on the way. You know when an African gets a job in the english mental health system in NW London, the rest of population is fed up with us. Most of the nurses in the hospital are African and are really not suited to the job. For them its a cut and dry pay check – nothing to do with restoring a persons confidence. I can say that I wish ill of them with no remorse. They are unfeeling as fish….coming from a country thats gone to the dogs. I don’t know where to start when I talk about the community in Brent – it’s a shit pit waiting to combust. People need to be integrated not put in together in pockets of colour…bad mistake. Anyhow thats the race card I’m throwing…..I won’t even bother right now, it’s worse than northern island.

Besides I had a ward round today, my shit for brains care coordinator made me cry undiplomatically asking whether I would be getting a depot injection. This injection means I have no control over my medication. I want another CA. She’s too crap to deal with. But I know I don’t have much choice….besides if she wants a chase then fuck it, give her something to do. Other then fucking talk over me like I’m nothing. People were divided by their faces a long time ago. (just a riddle folks) Keep thinking…. . I dunno, some people I read as easy as pie, other need time, some I don’t have time for….its a maze followed by road blocks, followed by ground words, followed by overhead nets….trapped in a world gone bad.

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Oh What to do…..

Posted on February 3, 2010 by outerhebridies

I’m trying to think of what to do with my life now that I’m bonne fide nuts. I did say to myself if i ever went nuts again that would be it. It would be to pack my bags and head to the nearest cliff and top myself…..I am so fed up of going do lally…. the whole world seems to be beavering away into some strange land whilst I’m stuck in this purgortry nonsense of being as sick as a parrot.

It’s strange when your mad.

I was just wondering what I’m going to do with my life. After the argument today with my intended, I don’t think I would like to bring kids into the foray. It ain’t nice to be a shouty household….I think control over one person is enough.

I hope I’m doing the right thing it’s been so long and my brain and heart are saying two different things. It’s a hard decision……I’ve just been surfing the net onto all different types of things and trying to raise some inspiration for some hairbrain plan to try and set up a business. The latest is to arrange an ashram….don’t ask me why…..

Filed under: Work | Tagged: new business | Leave a Comment »

Madonna

Posted on February 2, 2010 by outerhebridies

I’m a big fan, it a combo of music and life, men etc etc….I don’t consider myself to be stunning or drop dead gorgeous, but my dad tells me I’m what’s known as “rupari” which translates as “fair” in a medieval sense….Today I was told that my haircut makes me look beautiful…I’ve been getting quite a few compliments of recent.

I try and see myself as a normal gal….but clearly outside and inside I ain’t. All round, it would be fair to say I’m above average.

My mum just walked into the room and offered me a few words of wisdom, she says whats important about a woman is not just the outside but “inner beauty”…..time after time, she hits bullseye without knowing it. My mum is simply amazing. Next subject….

I like Madonna and my mum becoz….lol….

I must end this ramble, I hope my now partner has a restful sleep tonite and doesn’t worry himself over the unwanted attraction I’m getting from undesirable males…they’re full of shit mostly. They look at me like one does a jewel….they don’t see me. I is but an object…….

Filed under: Work | Tagged: attraction, beauty, madonna and sean penn | Leave a Comment »

Indian Call Centres

Posted on February 2, 2010 by outerhebridies

Do not understand english.

|I guarantee, the British public will vote them out, despite the low costs associated with them. The only saving grace they have is that when a call goes skew whiff, they pass the buck to the next person. The only tactic they have. They love their jobs so much don’t they.

Most of them are pretty ignorant. I’ve worked in a call centre, and I’ve never pissed anyone off. The job gets sorted. I’ve tried being polite, but they just don’t cut the mustard.

BRING BACK ENGLISH CALL CENTRES

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In Luuurve

Posted on February 1, 2010 by outerhebridies

He wore a Trilby hat the first time I saw him in art class. I noticed his attire, but through that I saw, as he pointed at the pictures, that here was a man who had a lot to say….my eyes wandered over him and thats all I can remember until we kissed. It was after that, I asked him to ask me out. So what if we’d played tongue tennis, after all being mental doesn’t exclude you from being traditional or does it?

A mental home doesn’t spark romance or could I have the Paula Yates syndrome. I’ve fallen into this hapless emotion. I do dread this more than being eaten alive by piranhas, although most would say at 39, my admission to mental hospital has been a blessing in disguise.

Filed under: Work | Tagged: love | Leave a Comment »

Diamond Geezer

Posted on February 1, 2010 by outerhebridies

I’m wondering if meeting my diamond geezer on section three smacks a little of a Frankenstein saga. This Frankenstein is genderbending, as the first creation is a woman ie moi, and then comes along a playmate….my diamond geezer.

He’s really a star and very gushy, but I love this new found honesty in his being. I know if it ends it will be el muckioso….he seems a devil on his bad side…luckily I haven’t seen that yet….baited breath, unlikely, I will catapult myself to the next peat bog and bury myself until new life emerges.

My diamond geezer keeps saying he’s intellectually piss poor, he underestimates a mental capacity that he has never used. What joy in giving him knowledge. I’m like a babe at play…it’s a long journey but I’m ready. As ever. My bags were packed in a previous lifetime.

adios

He looks a bit like this: Care for a skinhead….

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Madness and this Blog

Posted on January 31, 2010 by outerhebridies

This blog served several purposes. First and foremost it was to vent my spleen every time the “yes”’s and the steam became out of control, to be able to clarify my thoughts, which I felt were being invaded deliberately and maliciously….by of course by evil minds. What else could they be?

Second was to have a few moments of clarity.

I am not mad per se, but each episode through the steam and the yes’s that I hear I am driven there. It is as if I am an object. When the steam and yes’s start, I am pure rage and anger. My emotions turn me mad. If there was a world in which justice would be served, I would be less than obliging to people who I have felt have “played” with me. Although there is no proof, I wish I had this power.

It’s interesting, that since I started taking the medication, my mind went AWOL. Thus a fabrication of a story of being ill, became a reality, through the fucking meds. I still don’t think I need them.

Hence from November 11th (see Quit Work) onwards my diligent and busy body CPA decided I needed help. Based on coping with the bust of a relationship…..really life ain’t that bad when you’ve faced the devil…really it ain’t.

For the whole month of November I was NUTS. Based on thinking that the CIA were after me….don’t ask why….it’s a conspiracy. Poor little sister….

December the meds where all doubled. So will I in size if this continues. I’m munching through family sized bags of walkers crisps, like there is no tomorrow.

I’m out of the nuthouse, on leave for two weeks. To be back on Thursday to meet my fucking psychiatrists. Hate the nurses who read my blog too. I know with about 80% clarity that the meds are not helping me. I am here to help myself. It’s the outside world that drives me here……sorry case, sorry case (she shakes her head). One day I feel I will have a certain level of control over the people I have felt have over stepped my boundaries. It is not theirs to step across. They have only been an invasion. Always and forever unwelcome. Bedlam – don’t forget. It maybe real to you, but it sure as hell ain’t real to the people who do this you.

I may never be well. Frankly, I don’t give a fuck.

Filed under: Utter Nonsense | Leave a Comment »

This whole blog is a delusion

Posted on January 31, 2010 by outerhebridies

what me press the delete button

adios

avoir

arrividerchi

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The Greater Good

Posted on January 22, 2010 by outerhebridies

Has this saying held some great importance somewhere?

How can the greater good be attained??? Without compromise of which factors? Whats at stake here….

We the people need a belief system…

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Not far now George

Posted on January 16, 2010 by outerhebridies

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Contemplative

Posted on January 16, 2010 by outerhebridies

Lovely day if I can call it a break from the norm. Still trapped in mental hospital. Can’t say a single thing to the doctors that can get me out. The nurses would have shot me by now just by their looks even though I smile and am polite. I fucking hate them.

Here’s one for them…

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Yesterday and Today 13:16:38

Posted on January 11, 2010 by outerhebridies

Met this guy on the tube on my way home from my meet-up which was excellent. The main thing was that I came home and cried my eyes out. I miss Paul.

And also, I would love another game of mortal combat:

Filed under: Work | Tagged: 45 The Avenue | Leave a Comment »

Looking through mirrors

Posted on January 9, 2010 by outerhebridies

I’m feeling trapped and I just want to head bang.

Filed under: Utter Nonsense | Tagged: bollox | Leave a Comment »

Yemen Bombers

Posted on January 9, 2010 by outerhebridies

Really…….how facinating.

Thank you prison planet…

END game: Bomb material can get through regradless of x-rays.

Questions: Why are they doing this.

ITS AN INVASION OF PRIVACY….WE ARE BEING HELD IN FEAR.

this is a beautiful world now fuck off

Filed under: Utter Nonsense | Tagged: fear, patriot, terrorists, yemen bombers | Leave a Comment »

Emotional Warfare

Posted on January 9, 2010 by outerhebridies

Behavioral experts are guiding your emtions through the TV. ha ha ha. Oh the snow, the god damn fucking snow.

Just a nugdge and your worried about fammine owing to snow….NB did the fuckers predict this snow fall.

Answer NO>NO>NO>NO>NO>

Filed under: Work | Tagged: big brother, obama, the truth, wake up, zombies | Leave a Comment »

iMMORTAL tECHNIQUE

Posted on January 8, 2010 by outerhebridies

Immortal Technique:

FLY

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Dorian Gray Illusions – Using 9/11, And Inflating Terrorism And “Al-Qaeda” To Incite Fear

Posted on January 8, 2010 by outerhebridies

Using 9/11, And Inflating Terrorism And “Al-Qaeda” To Incite Fear

http://blog.screenweek.it/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/portrait_of_dorian_gray_by_mercuralis.jpg

The immortal image that came alive. Who makes this image alive, is it the hand that feed it, or the mouth that chews.

Please open your eyes….it’s real. Whilst seeing this – try and see the facts and separate yourself from the emotion.

*SOURCE: 911 bLOGGER

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wHO DE MAN…..

Posted on January 7, 2010 by outerhebridies

http://www.chucklefoot.co.uk/USERIMAGES/street.jpg

click FOR A DEMO

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Yeman and thre Hyjack

Posted on January 7, 2010 by outerhebridies

Is there a pattern here on the TV and radio.

We get told that three loose fuckers want to blow something up. I can blow up things with a lighter. 100% strike rate. The we get pcitures of soldioers, I cry again and then as a human m,y compassion level is high. Another waster life, bit tisk that is merely asn aside

[hamelt pulls back the curtain]

Do not play with me……

The hyjack has resulted in more force going through to the corporate state, the police state….thats what they want right.

http://www.prisonplanet.com/breaking-the-will-of-the-people-the-real-purpose-of-body-scanners.html

WHY???????

OPEN YOUR EYES

About Yemen ……

>Yemen and Iraq in condemning the London attacks

>two Saudis and a detainee from Yemen were found not breathing and were pronounced dead after emergency medical measures failed to … The Federal Election Commission decided to exempt e-mail, blogs and Web sites from regulation in March. .

>The 2000 Yemeni blogs hosted on this platform could not be updated for … Reporters Without Borders condemns the fact that access to Maktoobblog.com, a blog platform that hosts more than 2000 Yemeni blogs, …

> WHORE BAG: U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has said fighting in Yemen was a threat to regional and global

> HA HA HA: Yemen, the poorest Arab country, was thrust into the foreground of the U.S.-led war against Islamist militants after a Yemen-based wing of al Qaeda said it was behind a Christmas Day attempt to bomb a U.S.-bound plane.

GOOGLE SEARCH:

ha ha ha ha

http://www.nlcast.com/images/wallpaper-1280x1024.jpg

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Today I will mostly be trying to watch this….09:011:42

Posted on January 7, 2010 by outerhebridies

The internet is working and I’ve a funding application to do. Just watched U2 video, listened to chopin, had a fag and all is back on track. I’m more metion then I am brain.

Lots of hate Yoda, the dark side is strong…. pours out of me….

I need to get on….

ILLUMINATI PROJECT – New YouTube Documentary Series

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Who is Bedlam

Posted on January 6, 2010 by outerhebridies

Stupidly, I have told people who I am. Nurses have my card. I don’t know whether its a good thing or a bad thing.

I’m so god damn private. Can’t afford to be in this game.

Listening to Alex at the moment. J is giving up, I can’t.

Have a nice day…..we’re nice people amongst the bastards who don’t give a shit.

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Kiss my ass

Posted on January 1, 2010 by outerhebridies

I’ve been boring you for the last month, apologies….be back soon. The white coats are chasing me,.,,,

Filed under: Work | Tagged: houston we have a problem | Leave a Comment »

Happy memories for evil people….

Posted on January 1, 2010 by outerhebridies

Keep smiling…

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The Truth will FREE you

Posted on January 1, 2010 by outerhebridies

Filed under: Work | Tagged: porn, to whom it may concern | Leave a Comment »

SHift…por favor…thanks for 2009…

Posted on January 1, 2010 by outerhebridies

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Got a reply….hmmmm

Posted on January 1, 2010 by outerhebridies

Advice from PALS + My reply

Brenda Bennett

Patient Services Officer

Wembley Centre For Health & Care

116 Chaplin Road

Wembley

Middlesex

HA0 4UZ

Tel: 0208 795 6753

Fax: 0208 795 6770

E-mail: brenda.bennett@brentpct.nhs.uk

——————————————

Gold Star reply

Dear Nutan,

Park Royal Mental Health Unit as you probably know by now is run by Central and North West London NHS Foundation Trust (CNWL). See www.cnwl.nhs.uk

Service user governors can be reached at cnwlgovernor@nhs.net See the contact form on CNWL’s site…also details of the governors.

CNWL’s Complaints system is also listed on their site.

Loud & Clear Advocacy may also be a useful contact. They cover Brent & Harrow. 0208 900 2221. advocacy@loundandclear.org

With best wishes to you and Samual, Ann.

——————————————————————–

Lets bat a few emails…..

PALS head honcho

Dear Ms Modha

Thank you for your email which has been forwarded to me by the Patient Services Department at Park Royal. I was sorry to learn of your concerns about the care and treatment of one of out patients. I would be happy to take this forward for you and see if the person you have named in your email would like some input from a Local PALS Link Worker. Can you however first of all indicate if you would be happy for me to take forward your concerns in this way. The alternative would be for you to lodge a formal complaint having obtained the written consent of the individual on the ward.

In the meantime I can confirm in relation to your email that 85% of staff employed in Park Royal have had training in dual diagnosis. Everyone that is admitted is screened for drugs and alcohol and where this is found to be present steps are taken to refer to the local dual diagnosis lead nurse who assesses how to take the treatment needs forward.

I understand there are also good with local drug and alcohol services.

Catherine O’Reilly

Acting PALS Manager

Tel: 020 3214 5773

Fax: 020 3214 5892

Filed under: Work | Tagged: Samson Project | Leave a Comment »

:ood Morning Black Eagle 06:17:49

Posted on December 29, 2009 by outerhebridies

I hate this god forsaken place. There seems only walking nightmares aka nurses swanning around,herding and disutrbing the lost souls that are trying to stabilize themselves.

I know, lets laugh at them.

I know lets not show compassion.

Man….I don’t get paid enough.

Good then get another fucking job.

mental health nurse….what do you have to say? http://www.mentalnurse.org.uk/

God damn right I’m bitter – right now you could all drop down with too many drugs yourself – would love to see the fight in you…fuk it. \better if we parted…..never to see your ugly faces again.

Can you see a consistenmcy here?

Last night I was lied to. I ws woken, just as I was about to get to sleep with a torch light in my face. I stormed out my bed and tried to complain – I’d had enough. Everyone got angry. They gave me a pill. Fucking arseholes. They threatened to give me an injection…..i offerred a nurse if he’d like my trousers down.

I’m on my way to get an injection.

Sent an angry email to pals last light:

Nutan Modha ✆To Whom it may Concern, Samual Elderfield is a patient at Park Royal Mental H…
11:59 PM (7 hours ago)

Reply |[emails removed for privacy] show details 7:23 AM (2 minutes ago)
Can anyone please help.

PLEASE EXCUSE MY URGENCY BUT THIS IS SITUATION COULD LEAD TO A SURVIVOR BEING SENT TO A MAXIMUM SECURE HOSPITAL VIA MENTAL NEGLIGENCE

This man is being destroyed.

I’m reading as much as I can and have planned a 6 MONTH STRATEGY to try and make sense of his treatment. I run the London Mental Health Support Group. This is a good man with a cocktail of preventable conditions- with a few issues….

Please note, I am his nominated advocate and will be speaking in tandem with Samuel. He has a voice, he just needs an echo.

see next email

I will be taking this to tribunial stage OVER THE NEXT 6 MONTHS.

I will also be starting a blog and twitter account and ghost writing on behalf of samuel. There is much to write about….

anon

Nutan Modha

————-

To be sent in next email

short self written article on the validity of Dr Rachel Perkins, Doh Horizons project which tries to empower us with Independence, whilst at the same time we are in constant battle against the contradiction that exists with mental health treatment and mental health nurse training.

I mean, would you allow a ex-heroin addict 3 fags a day under time constraints? and expect him to be calm? Please check your own neurons nurses….you’re in for a hell of a ride.

Yesterday a nurse shouted out of the blue with his back to a patient. I asked him who was mad in here…..me or him. He just sucked his teeth at me.
- Show quoted text -

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: |[emails removed for privacy]Date: Mon, Dec 28, 2009 at 11:59 PM
Subject: RE: URGENT: Samual Elderfield – Park Royal
To: pals@brentpct.nhs.uk
Cc: |[emails removed for privacy]

To Whom it may Concern,

Samual Elderfield is a patient at Park Royal Mental Hopsital and the treatment that he has recieved has been negligent and without consideration of his previous history.

This sitiation had led to an exacerbation of his mental health which is making him worse not better. This is directly and not indirectly related to the lack of concrete communication and transparentcy of this patients history.

If hospital is a raft of recovery then Horizons the Doh project is doomed to fail owing to this fact, that a ex-heroin addict is confined to his room and allowed 3 ciggeratees a day. PLEASE NOTE.

If the staff are tranined in duel diagnosoes and rehabiliation of drug addtion, then this is my oversight. i AWAIT YOUR CORRECTION.

Factually, with lack of the drug is causal to an aroused mental state. An apparent disorder.

Policy documentation to follow for your records.

Please see that this will be pursed through various leads in the survivor sector. Please relply within your time limit. I await your prompt repsonse.

yours sincerely

Miss N D Modha

The London Mental Health Support Group

Member of 1 in 4 Mental Health Forum

Bedlam Zen – The Mental Health Podcast – broadcaST OUT 2010

please excuse my grammar and spelling but I am being forced to leave, whilst the nurses watch gthe footballl on television.
Reply Reply to all Forward

——————————————————-

GOD HELP ME

THEY’LL DIAGNOSE ME WITH MANIA NOW

remember….we patients are just a glimse of the future of mankind. Big brother will be watching you. My condolences….

“

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In Search Of … Illuminati MTV Awards Get off the Air – Now! New World Order

Posted on December 28, 2009 by outerhebridies

2 years ago…..where’s the change? Brick wall.???

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Good Morning Black Eagle 08:39:39

Posted on December 28, 2009 by outerhebridies

Haven’t been able to figure out why I’m here or what has bought me back into mental hospital but its a strange world this. I’ve just had morning breakfast and they’re herding us to take medication now, which I loathe. I haven’t watched any headlines for days as guess what….I’ve started a relationship. It’s like an explosive one. It’s not point treading carefully and thankfully there’s enough keeping us together, forgetting the ulterior struggle we face in here. He’s very genuine and very modest. Also, old. Which is good.

News: Will ketchup over the day. Need to sort out some preamble regarding some officious stuff….benefit/welfare applications. Then, next stop, change the world.

Haven’t found it yet….the above that is….thanks.

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Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Black Eagle, star approaching 12:18:00

Posted on December 23, 2009 by outerhebridies

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Wake Up……

Posted on December 23, 2009 by outerhebridies

Lets go party….

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Tribes

Posted on December 23, 2009 by outerhebridies

Never stops this does it….

Filed under: Work | Tagged: black widow | Leave a Comment »

Even tough girls crumble…

Posted on December 22, 2009 by outerhebridies

Rune - ManमेषI came to hospital driving with dad by my side, looking at the pavements whizz past me, straing at the deranged faces whispering at me to go home. My dad look worried, I was convinced I was still on a search.I had been playing with a pack of cards and found that certain characters were not coming up. I had an aversion to....wait for it..... this one....Dali Art - King Of Diamonds

Mesha – मेष

Reasons beyond my comprehension, I turned to my dad and said…..so I’m looking for the king of diamonds…he smiled and tried to comfort me in my abstract thoughts.

[enter] Mesha

I saw him pointing to a drawing when I first saw him, but he looked rapid…… He looked like as if he was going to burst. I thought nothing of him, until I saw his face. His face and whatever. Forever the girl, a sucker for blonde hair and blue eyes. Whatta picture….

This guy has eyes the colour of a russet blue. With the deepest pupils, precise as his mind. He never has known he has been right. No one has guided the path of his words, through words that can act as ladders to the common man. He lives at a place called “Diamond Lodge”. I began to loose my spittle and gulped. Maybe, just maybe….

Coincidences are something else. The way you walk, the way you interact with other people the way you look helpless, when really they should be bowing under you. I have found my missing rune, and I have found a man that respects me. All I can say is that, thinkiong of him makesme dizzy.

We sat in thegarden, he cuts no bones about the sex, in fact he fires at me and I concede. It;s like I’m a trip switch. Just waiting to be lit. He wants to wait. I like that.

Flames are for the brave. I love my fire.

Mesha the solider said:

“I’ve had all the women in the world, I don’t want anyone but a real woman”

He said it better then that.

Only problem is, is that we keep crying. In my mind I say I say that I love him in my heart, but the lips won’t part the words until the time is perfect.

A little haiku in a few days…..

मेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमे

षमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमे

षमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेष

मेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमे

षमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमे

षमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेष

मेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमे

षमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेष

मेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेष

मेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेष

मेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमे

षमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेष

मेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेष

मेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमे

षमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमे

षमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेष

मेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमे

षमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेष

मेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमे

षमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेष

मेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमे

षमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमे

षमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेष

मेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमे

षमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमे

षमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेष

मेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेष

मेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेष

मेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेषमेष

Filed under: Work | Tagged: मेष, Diamond geezer | Leave a Comment »

Al Gores Asshole holds…..a great secret….

Posted on December 21, 2009 by outerhebridies

Hope he farts it out one day.

My good day to you dear gent

Filed under: Work | Tagged: black widow, Operation Pompadom | Leave a Comment »

Good Morning Black Eagle 08:17:05

Posted on December 21, 2009 by outerhebridies

Woke this morning ang got shouted at withing 15 mins. I stayed quiet.

Enjoy and love to the little one…

Lots to read today, also trying to organise a marketing pack.

Speak soon.

All my love

me. xx

Filed under: 1 | Tagged: black eagle | Leave a Comment »

Planet Bush….where money is sucked from people

Posted on December 21, 2009 by outerhebridies

Wow

Filed under: 1 | Tagged: black widow, conspiracy nuts and raisons | Leave a Comment »

Black Swan

Posted on December 20, 2009 by outerhebridies

http://fora.tv/search_video?q=black+swan

http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&safe=active&sa=G&tbo=1&tbs=tl:1&q=Nassim+Nicholas+Taleb+black+swan

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Technolology Shennagains Bollox

Posted on December 20, 2009 by outerhebridies

http://fora.tv/2009/11/16/Smarter_TV_The_Future_Is_Here

Filed under: Work | Tagged: geek news | Leave a Comment »

Homies

Posted on December 20, 2009 by outerhebridies

IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE

http://www.last.fm/listen#pane=webRadioPlayer&station=%252Flisten%252Fartist%252FImmortal%252BTechnique%252Fsimilarartists

THE REST IN IN YOUR “COURT”

GOOD LUCK AND ADIOS

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Audio Bullys vs The Streets

Posted on December 20, 2009 by outerhebridies

Sometimes the viel lifted accepts resistance
Held only by the thought that importance
Lies in the hands of lives, yet to be lost

Barriers crowd me

I can drop like this:

Call it like Chris ….. Tomlinson…..

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Good Morning Black Eagle 09:15:38

Posted on December 20, 2009 by outerhebridies

Medication heavy. Losing balance.

Fainting for you

Going under

Who will find my black heart?

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Golden Eagle

Posted on December 19, 2009 by outerhebridies

Whatta beaut?

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Fuk You

Posted on December 19, 2009 by outerhebridies

http://newsvote.bbc.co.uk/mpapps/pagetools/print/news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/8422133.stm?ad=1

SOURCE: BBC/

FUK: http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&safe=active&sa=X&tbo=1&q=climate%20change&tbs=rltm:1

ACCORD HERE???

http://unfccc.int/resource/docs/2009/cop15/eng/l07.pdf

Operational January

News from MAx Keiser:

http://maxkeiser.com/category/max-keiser-videos/ : NADA

YIKES

Alex jones calling earth ….

Over and Out

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Get a load of these apples

Posted on December 17, 2009 by outerhebridies

I shall slap you with my kipper of peace…..

http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=bauhaus&hl=en&safe=active&rlz=1C1GGLS_en-GBGB357&tbo=1

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Good Morning Black Eagle 08:03:54

Posted on December 17, 2009 by outerhebridies

There seems to be movement on climate change at the Copenhagen treaty…. what the fuck…seems a bit strange.

Nothing changes.

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Carpe Diem

Posted on December 16, 2009 by outerhebridies

Blogger thon transistion?

Checking…..

Shook hands with a real mod. OMG.

A real MOD.

http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&safe=active&rlz=1C1CHMA_en-GBGB358GB358&tbo=1&output=search&q=mod%20fashion%201960&tbs=ww:1

Now I need to meet a real ROCKER

http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&safe=active&rlz=1C1CHMA_en-GBGB358GB358&tbo=1&tbs=ww:1&q=rockers+fashion+1960&btnG=Search&meta=

Where are they now???…..

ROCKERS

MODS

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Good Morning Black Eagle 06:57:02

Posted on December 16, 2009 by outerhebridies

I couldn’t be more surprised at the situation that seems to have catatpulted concerning my stay in hopsital. I arrive on the 2nd as a voluntary patient, with 18 years of expereince of mental hospitals, I am told by in the most fucked up english – you are on close observation. I just asked how long for, i was answered I don’t know know, you should know what you’ve done…errr like what dude.

They seem to make the problem up. The language is very negative and uses a lot of verbs to insiniuate misdeamenaners. The whole thing is very accusatatory. it’s a load of bollocks if you ask me. Frankly I want to be out for Xmas. End of story.

Here’s to the life in hospital, could be worse….